Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I Don't Need You

I neatly lay the directions to your place face up in my garbage. A scribbled mess on the back of some receipt, 24.99 for a pack or two and a drink. I stare for a moment wondering if things would change should I place it the other way, destroy it, destroy you and place it away. The leather bound book she gave me last year sits on a shelf and I think of writing her a note about losing a friend, losing my ends. The lines are crossed, the pen bleeding, the ink smudging, I don't need you, I need you all at once, I don't need you at all. The paper is torn, a heart is scorned by the lyrics of dylan and derek and more. I don't need you, I need you all at once, I don't need you at all.
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6 comments:

  1. Reverend LowellMay 30, 2009 at 11:13 PM

    Good to see "Sweet Pretty Things" back.
    You are writing in a different way. The writing is bleak, toneless, almost without identity. But, you know, in a Good way!
    Welcome back.

    Bob

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  2. DeLARAJune 1, 2009 at 7:24 AM

    Is that a backhanded compliment? Not sure. But the way I see it is there are never any rules in literature, at least there shouldn't be. Let my mind wander from life, from emotion and write it out.

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  3. Reverend LowellJune 2, 2009 at 11:10 PM

    It was, indeed, a compliment. An observation that while the language is interesting, it's difficult to draw a connection to any solid characters. "You" aren't completely "there". Still, it's interesting stuff. I think you use words well, without forcing them. (Now, that's another compliment!).....Bob

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  4. DeLARAJune 8, 2009 at 8:26 PM

    Well ahhh thankyou.

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  5. Reverend LowellJuly 3, 2009 at 1:24 AM

    Hmmmm......you've revised, I think. These last seven seem closer to where you seem to be going. They are better. You're using fewer "artsy" words? In the sense that the words you are using are closer to what you mean to say. You are not using words because they seem to be "cool" words. Do you understand the difference as it comes across to the reader?
    And the move to using I (eye) makes a difference. Now it's your blood on the ground, not just abstract, general blood. If this little criticism is awkward or unwelcome, please don't hesitate to say so!
    (but I think you're doing better.)

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  6. DeLARAJuly 8, 2009 at 8:11 AM

    I did not revise it, just another style. I only removed a couple posts here and there!

    ReplyDelete

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